1. Massage Therapist: Your appointment is for 9 A.M. If I'm not on time, start without me.

2. Massage Therapist: Let me know if that's too much pressure. I don't want to torture you. That would be an added charge.

3. Massage Therapist (monologuing): I'm going to be doing frictions which can be a little unpleasant. It's at this point patients sometimes say (in a Sean Connery accent) "Do you expect me to talk?" And I say (wigged out Goldfinger voice): "I expect you to die, Mr. Bond!"

4. Client: What's in the massage oil?
Massage Therapist: Patchouli and some Rosemary. It smells nice. I tried using holy water once but it burns! It BURNS!

5. Massage Therapist: Is the pressure okay?
Client: How will I know if it's not "okay"?
Massage Therapist: If you see dead relatives beckoning you toward a bright light, that would be one clue.

6. Client: So...where did you get your training?
Massage Therapist: Prison.
Client (hushed gasp): Oh.

7. Client: By that pressure, I'd say you don't like me very much.
Massage Therapist: (Easing up.) No, no! Thank you for telling me the pressure was too much for you. If I really didn't like you, I'd use the lawn mower maneuver.
Client: (Curious) Ah, and what's that?
Massage Therapist: I wrap a long towel around your head several times, place one foot on your back, take one end of the towel and, er...start you up!
Client descends into silence for the rest of the hour, tips generously and scurries out.

8. Client: Jeez! That trigger point really hurt!
Massage Therapist: Yeah, if only I would use my powers for good instead of evil.

9. Massage Therapist: Would you like some Tiger Balm down your spine?
Client: No. You shouldn't use that! It's not ecologically sound! It's made with real tigers!
Massage Therapist: Ma'am, I can assure you that Tiger Balm is not that expensive. I've looked at the ingredients and I'm sure it does not contain any tiger residue whatsoever.
Client: Oh. Um. Okay.
Massage Therapist: The Baby Powder, however, contains 96% actual babies.

10. Client: I'm thinking of becoming a Massage Therapist myself. In the job I have now all I hear is complaints and people tell me their problems all day.
Massage Therapist: Spoken as a true healer.
Client: Huh?
Massage Therapist: What is it you do now, again?
Client: I'm a nurse.
Massage Therapist: (Speechless.)

Couples Massage Atlanta

I-85 & Clairmont Rd
3006 Clairmont Rd, Atlanta, GA 30329

Couples Massage Birmingham

Vestavia on Montgomery Hwy
1078 Montgomery Hwy, Vestavia Hills, AL 35216

Couples Massage Cincinnati

Fairfax on Wooster Pike
5725 Dragon Way, Cincinnati, OH 45227

Couples Massage Columbus

Dublin off Muirfield Dr
6055 Tain Dr, Dublin, OH 43017

Couples Massage Dayton

Miamisburg Centerville Rd
509 Windsor Park Dr, Dayton, OH 45459

Couples Massage Denver

Aurora off Parker and 225
11059 E Bethany Dr, Aurora, CO 80014

Couples Massage Detroit

Southfield on Northwestern Hwy
24901 Northwestern Hwy, Southfield, MI 48075

Couples Massage Fishers

Inside Pro Wellness Chiropractic
11876 Olio Rd, Fishers, IN 46037

Couples Massage Fort Myers

Colonial Near the Bridge
1500 Colonial Blvd, Fort Myers, FL 33907

Couples Massage Fort Wayne

Georgetown on Maplecrest
2212 Maplecrest Rd, Fort Wayne, IN 46815

Couples Massage Hollywood, FL

Hallandale Beach Blvd
26 Diplomat Pkwy, Hallandale Beach, FL 33009

Couples Massage Indianapolis

96th & I-69
9760 Crosspoint Blvd, Indianapolis, IN 46256

Couples Massage Lake Havasu

McCullough Blvd
2156 McCulloch Blvd N, Lake Havasu City, AZ 86403

Couples Massage Las Vegas

Vegas Strip at Town Square
6659 S Las Vegas Blvd, Las Vegas, NV 89119

Couples Massage Long Beach

Long Beach Blvd
3711 Long Beach Blvd, Long Beach, CA 90807

Couples Massage Louisville

Evergreen near Shelbyville Rd
350 Evergreen Rd, Louisville, KY 40243

Couples Massage Nashville

Berry Hill on Craighead
700 Craighead St, Berry Hill, TN 37204

Couples Massage Phoenix

Phoenix on Cave Creek Rd
14804 N Cave Creek Rd, Phoenix, AZ 85032

Couples Massage St Louis

Valley Park on Vance Rd
232 Vance Rd, Valley Park, MO 63088